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|Sunday, November 23rd, 2008|
My internet sucks on my lap top, its gonna have to go to the shop or something b/c this just sucks, internet works in the house, but not on my laptop grrrrr.
I've done a lot of thinking lately, and I realized I haven't been happy for a very long time, and I think that I am finally starting to enjoy myself, be myself, and not be so insecure about life, and myself. I don't need to fit in, and care about everyone.
I think part of being strong is part of knowing who you are and what you want out of life. Ive had a lot of shitty people, girls and guys come through my life, and I'm tired of feeling bad about having a bad day, or if I'm not the nicest person in the world, because I try, and I try not to let things bother me lately, but frankly a lot of things do bother me, and so what if I am not scared to say it. Why not be honest? I've realized that I don't have the greatest friends in the world, but I do have some pretty amazing friends. Some have been there all my life, and some are new. I'm content with just a couple great friends, then a lot of friends who honestly just don't care. People have bad days, and people say stuff they really don't mean, I get over it and move on, but if some people can't then I guess they just don't really care.
IDK what the point of this is but yea, I just needed to get this off my chest, so I can be free of it all.
P.S Im really really in like......
|Saturday, November 15th, 2008|
It seems like I'm always on rocky ground, like did I do something or is it just me. Do my friends just not like me, or if I did something just tell me. Honestly I feel alone and I hate it, part of me has been thinking what keeps me here....................................
........ I hate that I am so insecure about my friendships, I shouldn't be insecure with my friendships...
|Wednesday, November 5th, 2008|
Lately I ve been doing things I said I would never do again, and the truth is, I don't know if he will ever be out of my life, he comes and goes. I thought I was in control and I fell again, I started thinking about a future with him. Then I met someone! Someone whos cute, nice, treats me good, does things he says he will do. Im so excited, I just hope I don't fuck it up with the one. The one is always in the back of my head, but the truth is Im not in the back of his he doesn't think of me everyday like I think of him. How do you know when you like someone, you can't just say you know, because then I like a lot of people. I could of said I loved him, we would say love you, and I truly meant it. I guess its just time to let go, and move on, but its just so hard when you saw so much in someone, a future. Building that again is hard. I feel bad because I have met a great guy and I still think of the other. I'm excited about him though, I can talk to him, tell him things, hes there, and I like that, Im just scared of getting hurt, of trusting someone, trust is a hard thing. Im just so sick of the assholes and am ready for a great guy. See I am confused................
|Saturday, September 20th, 2008|
Sitting in pain, sitting not in pain, basically just sitting, it sucks and right now I think who cares....................
Are friends just friends when you can party and go out, where is a friend when you are sick, down, and just need someone to say hey are you ok?
I think right now I don't like my friends......
It could be because I'm drugged up, but still what is friendship if they aren't there for you when you really need a friend, I think I need a change when I am better....
|Sunday, August 24th, 2008|
Can people just let things go.......
I did not mean for it to happen again, it just did.
|Sunday, July 13th, 2008|
Im finally to the point, where I just don't care anymore, this is good.
This is weird, could one thing that Ive always wanted happen, probably not, but one can only dream right?
|Monday, July 7th, 2008|
Do I have easy written on my forehead, why is it, that the only things guys want to do, is get in my pants. I want a guy to get into my head, before he tries to get into my pants.
|Sunday, June 22nd, 2008|
So he called....
I didn't answer, its hard......
|Tuesday, June 17th, 2008|
I think I have issues...
|Friday, June 13th, 2008|
Who can you trust anymore...........
I feel like I have been stabbed in the back, I've been made a fool of, I'm stupid....
It hurts, and I'm tired of being hurt, of getting hurt. I'm over him, trying to be, trying to be done.
I'm tired of it all, I'm just plain tired, honestly how could you not say a word? Its pathetic.
|Saturday, January 19th, 2008|
HAha, i just read my last post and one of my new years resolutions was not be so sick all the time, I guess thats down in the dumps. Any ways yes I have got the flu!
I had to miss a day at work and I accidentally missed a day at school b/c I went to bed last tuesday when I got home from work and didn't wake up till ten the next morning.
I am really kind of liking my job. I get along with the people there very well, and its just kind of enjoyable comedy. Next weekend they are having a big winter of 08 party at some country club, it should be fun its gonna be a casino night! Now if only I were 21 it would be better, but theres this other girl thats like 2 days older than me, so we should make it interesting. Life would be good right now if I weren't sick arg arg arg arg is all i can say. Alright peace..
|Sunday, December 30th, 2007|
|I forgot out about lj
I have forgotten about my lj.
I am so sad that I did, ive been checking xangas lately. I miss these things b/c they keep us updated on us. If we look back to high school days theres like a day to day or hour to hour update its so funny to look back at all our stupid fights on LJ or xanga. I love these things and miss them.
Life lately has been good, I got a new job that I started on Christmas Eve. Its not to bad, I hope I like it. I realized lately that no matter what happens in life your true friends always come around, and show they care. I am just happy to say that I think I am finally becoming happy with myself and just my life. New Year Resolutions- lose 5 lbs, try to live a healthier life, and not be so sick all the time, and to get out there and meet new people!
|Monday, July 30th, 2007|
I'm done with him!!!
now if I can make myself not like him, it would be even better!!!!!
|Wednesday, May 16th, 2007|
Fun! Thats all I want to do this summer is just have fun!! Life lately has been a little hard on me, I can't sleep at my house. It sucks, so thanks to the creators of Ambien and my dad giving me some of his. I miss McKenna more than anything in this world, some days I don't think about it, and other days that's all I do.
The age of 20 is coming up for me. I don't want to grow up, because Im scared of the fact that I have no idea what I want to do. Im tired of always being the old one, and Im tired of always having responsibility. Im afraid one day Im gonna look back and wonder why I was the way I was.
Boys... I just don't understand myself. I can have guy, but once I have him, I don't want him. I can never just let go with a guy, unless I am under the influence. I can never be comfortable around a guy. I am going to be single for the rest of my life. I just can't let guys in, Im soooo scared of getting hurt. And everytime I get close I back away.
So I give up. I give up on certain people, I give up on boys, I give up on truely caring about things, and I don't give up on just trying to enjoy myself this summer!!!!!!
|Tuesday, May 1st, 2007|
So its been forever since Ive wrote in here, but everything has been good until now. I just got home and I expected McKenna to be at the stairs waiting for me when I walked down, and she wasn't. I still can' t get used to this. I miss her soooo much its not even funny!! I don't think I am gonna be able to get used to not having her around. Sounds stupid but she was my best friend of all. When I needed a hug she was there, when I wanted to lay with someone she was that someone. I miss her sleeping in my bed, I miss her snoring, I miss her annoying barking to me, I miss everything about her, I just want her here!!! When ever there was a storm like tonight, McKenna would curl up to me as close as she could get, practically on top of me. Thursday I knew deep down when I woke up what I was gonna have to do, she was so frail, unable to hardly walk, it was the right thing, I didn't want her to suffer any longer, but I want her here I just don't know how to be at home with out her. I miss my McKenners!!
|Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007|
New Years Resolution
Figure my life out
Figure what the hell is going on
Figure myself out
Get more sleep
Lose 10 more pounds
Yea, idk figure out college shit too!!!
Last year was great, lets make this year even better!!!!
|Thursday, October 5th, 2006|
Whats the point anymore?
Life is busy lately, but if you weren't busy, then what would you be doing. Nothing. I would rather be doing something than nothing lately. When I am busy I don't think, and thats what I like. I found a new favorite band, they are good, THE SOUNDS, ive got a list of cds i want to get, and I think sat/sun I am gonna go get them. I am so ready for NOVEMBER 17th to come!!!!! The Key's for a week, exciting, I have a feeling that this is going to be one hell of a vaction. But I am done. Nights!!
|Sunday, September 10th, 2006|
Now really sleep can just kiss my ass. Why can't I go to sleep like a normal person? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..........
By the way I think I need to get a life, mine is soo dull.
McKenna is taking up all of my bed, and shes leaning against me making me hott.... grrr dogs lol
IM A DORK, and im can't sleep IDK why, but yes......Well theres another rant, i did one in the xanga and now one for the lj.
love you all!!!!!
|Tuesday, September 5th, 2006|
I love the first day of classes just walking around talking to people, and then going in to the class b/c its all new people. Its fun. School started and at first I was kinda nervous, but now I m just excited b/c it gives me stuff to do!!!! HIp hip hooray!!
Sunday I went to my boat to hang with the family. It was soo much fun!! I slept there until about 11 and then went swimming with my brother and sister to our neighbors in our marinas boat who anchored by us. Then my sister and I took the lovely little mary swimming and while trying to get her floaties on we got like four football fields away from our boats, it was funny!!! But alot of fun.
I love hanging with my family.
But yeah back to work I go, have a great week everyone!!!!
|Monday, August 21st, 2006|
Im sitting here with itchy feet and itchy ankles. Damn what ever I have...ahhh..
SO SUMMER WENT BY SUPER SUPER FAST!!!